The wedding

M&A got married Saturday. After blowing us all of our socks 10 years ago, when A (barely 20) got pregnant. After surprising us again, 3 years later, by getting pregnant again. And finally, after amazing all of us by being such a wonderful, happy family throughout the years – while we were still carelessly enjoying our days at university.
So two days ago, they wanted to show the world what we already knew: that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. And they did it in vibrant red colours, for the law and for the church, surrounded by family and friends.

P was M’s Best Man, so we were there from early Saturday morning, until, yes, early Sunday morning. It was a long day, filled with lots of emotions. The 14-year old girl in me realizing that my first crush was getting married. The year-long friend in me being very very proud of him. The 7-jear long girlfriend in me wondering if I will ever have such a day, or if the dream is really irreversibly broken.

Since we all go way back in time, this marriage was a reunion at the same time. The party itself was held in the same place were we had our high school parties, where we all played a part in “Peter Pan”, and where we graduated. That alone provided a serious amount of nostalgia. Throw in a couple of old teachers (as M’s dad was our teacher, and later principal), and a handful of high school friends we hadn’t seen in 14 years, and the night was way too short to handle it all. (the fact that the bar was the only place where you could talk didn’t really help in my case – way too many bubbles!).

Anyway, the night was closed by hugging the people we love & share lots of memories with, and by driving home through a fierce autumn storm. M&A have jumped on the plane, enjoying a well deserved honeymoon – and I’m also on a trip; down memory lane, that is...

Show off or shut up

What I’ve noticed over the past few weeks, is that my INSEAD experience has left me with knowledge – knowledge I can’t use, because otherwise people will think of me as a bragging miss-know-it-all.
A few examples :

Conversation over lunch at work
A : Can you believe it – his wife is going on a business trip to Dubai !
B : Dubai ?? Wow – isn’t that in the Middle East ?
A : yeah, apparently it’s booming over there ; lots of new companies and so.
Ok, please tell me - what do I have to do in such a situation ?
- Just be myself, and tell what I know ? "Uhm yeah, I know about 10 people in Dubai, who recently moved there to work for company X, Y and Z. P was contacted as well by a company in Dubai. And you know what else ? You don’t get taxed over there."
- Or : just sit there, and nod along at the question "isn’t that in the Middle East ?" (which is what I did)

Conversation with some friends
A : You know how to tell when your pasta is ready, right ? You throw it against the wall, and if it sticks, it’s good !
B : Yeah, I know – than it’s just "al dente".
A : Hmhm, I like it when it’s still like that.
Again – what to do ?
- Guys, one of my best friends in France was from Bologna, and in Italy they are simply horrified when they hear about this method. What we call "al dente" over here, is simply "cooked way too long" over there.
- Or : yeah, I do that as well ! (which is what I said)

So here I am, with all my "knowledge" - not daring to use it, because I’m afraid I’ll sound like I’m bragging and showing off. Which brings me right back were we started, and what I wrote almost a year ago, on November 19, 2007.
Back then, it was just the MBA itself I couldn’t explain to people – now it’s still that, and soooo much more. From "No, I didn’t actually practise my French a lot, we spoke English all the time" to "No, it really wasn’t like an 8-month holiday for me, and yes, I could really use one now". From "Yes, we all felt like we knew eachother for years after a month" to "No, my boyfriend is never home before nine PM, at the earliest".

I’m so tired of the huge differences between my life and the lives of the ones surrounding me – and the impossibility of explaining it all without giving the wrong impression - that shutting up and nodding at methods for screwing up pasta is what I do. And if somebody finds out that working in Dubai is tax-free, they won’t have it from me !

N on her owN

Yes, it’s yet another night I’m spending on my own here in Brussels, because if it isn’t a late night meeting, a recruiting event, a late plane back, or a presentation for the client that has to be finished, it’s a stag party.
So I’ve decided to spoil myself - big time.
After work, I went to that gorgeous (but too expensive) boutique around the corner, and let myself go wild. With my bag full of clothes (and credit card maxed out), I went to the local deli for wine (the best) and take-out Italian. And I’ve rented a movie (“Michael Clayton”). There, the ultimate girl-night!
So please excuse me now - the microwave is beeping and George Clooney is waiting !

The Barbizon Blues

What’s going on? Is it the ending of Daylight Saving Time? Is it the trees and their autumn colours? Is it the reinstalled routine of going back to work? Is it all the other emotions, that have finally settled a bit, and left room for others? Or is it just plain nostalgia?
Whatever the reason(s) : I’m missing Fonty, Barbizon, INSEAD, the forest, the huge Carrefour, the local bakery, the train to Paris, the library, the cafeteria, Pizza Pazza, our little apartment...well, simply all of it! Googling Fontainebleau while sitting at my desk at work doesn’t exactly help. Neither does looking at all the pictures taken last year. Or leafing through my dairy, and realizing that, exactly one year ago, I was celebrating Halloween in Disneyland Paris.
When I come home, and step out of my car, I smell the city...and I can only sigh, and long for the smell of the forest after it rained, mixed with the smoky smell of wood fires.
It got so bad over the last few days, that I even went to the INSEAD website, and had a look at their current job offers.
I’m not idealizing my 6 months in France – I still feel bitter about certain things, and I still vividly remember times I felt so useless and lonely, I would’ve jumped on the first train back to Brussels. But right now, I would give anything to be
- hanging around in the bar with a few other partners, waiting for our men, and all go out for dinner afterwards (obviously drinking too much wine)
- walking around in that huge supermarket, taking 30 minutes only to pick out a few cheeses for yet another French Evening.
- teaching English to M, and trying to convince her once more that she’s doing great
- drinking a coffee in the Starbucks on the Boulevard de l’Opéra
- dancing on a stage at 3.00 AM in the morning

Hmm, instead, I’m still sitting at my desk, and getting not any work done....

To Ylva

Ylva wrote a comment on my latest post. She's a partner on her way to Fontainebleau, just like I was one year ago. And of course, after reading my blog, she's getting second thoughts. Ylva, I can't really give you my email here, as this is still an "anonymous" blog (well, sort of anyway). So please consider this posting as my answer.

Following your partner or not is a tough decision to make...and it took me several months to make up my mind. We were not married, had no children, had never lived together...and finally, I decided to go because I thought this would be the quality-time for our relationship we had been needing for a very long time. I know now this was a very wrong reason to go. I went to be with him, but INSEAD took up 99% of his time: a lot of classes, a lot of groupwork, a lot of night-time studying,...
I was fortunate that, very quickly, I got to know some other partners, who became wonderful friends. Thanks to them, I have a lot of very nice memories of my time in France, and I can look back smiling.
Do I regret I went to France? No, not one minute.
Would I do it again? No, definitely not.

Please realize that this is just my story. We each have our own reasons to go or not go, we each have our hopes, dreams, experiences, and expectations. And last but not least: we each have, of course, also different boyfriends/husbands.

So if you want to have some real quality time for just yourself (read all the books you want, finally follow that cooking course, learn how to speak French, visit Paris every week, and make friends from all over the world) : I would say "Go!"
If you choose to be stupidly naive like me, just hoping for days filled with romance in the French countryside and a marriage proposal on the Eiffel tower : don't go.

Two girls

I’m just back from a dinner in good company, with slightly too much wine. In other words : the perfect writing mode :-) (minus the spelling mistakes)
The wine was Italian, can’t remember the year nor the name, but it was good.
The company was my best friend in high school. We saw eachother one year ago, after a « pause » of more than ten years, right before I was heading to France. And now that I’m back, it was time to, once again, pick up where we had left. We talked non-stop for more than two hours, about our deepest feelings, about our dreams, about random stuff, as if we were still seeing eachother every day at school. It was great to realize that, no matter what, we still connected – just as we did when we were sixteen, putting on too much make-up and getting ready for our first party.
I can’t say we’ve changed either. For some reason, we’re the only two of our « band » left unmarried and without any kids. Like years ago, when we were the only two who had a love life that could now be perfect for any reality-show. We still have fits of laughter drawing stares from the other people in the restaurant, and we still both think that we were stupid to go for the cool guys in high school, instead of for the smart guys (who, allas, all had too many pimples back then). We had our share of break-ups, we had our smacks in the face (she lost her dad, my mom has cancer), and we still think that getting overweight is simply not done (even if this means you have to starve yourself from time to time). And…our biological clock has started ticking harder than ever.
In other words : I had a great time tonight, laughing ‘bout old memories, sharing present-day dreams, and spending time with someone who, even though I rarely see her, was and still is, a soulmate.

One of those days

- waking up at an ungodly hour of the morning, ‘cause P had to catch a plane to Prague
- missing the high way exit to the office, and because of that, being stuck in morning traffic for 30 more minutes
- Having IT problems for the first two hours of the morning, not being able to do all the planned work.
- Being called in the director’s office for a stupid mistake I made yesterday, because my head was already in hospital, with my mom (who's more sick than ever because of the second chemo that started)
- Realizing it was my collegue who informed the director of the mistake behind my back
- Rain pouring down non-stop

Thank God, I'm home
(without causing any car accidents)