The elephant in the room

Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while, knows how passionate I am about my teaching job. Sure: some lessons I glance at my watch every 10 minutes, or there are times I just want to run out of the class room. But all in all : I do it with heart and soul.


And that’s why, for some months now, I’ve been ignoring the elephant in the room: it’s not paying the bills. In fact, I’m so horribly underpaid that even working extra hours is not making any difference. At present, I’m running from one side of the city to the other, and back – only to still end up in red at the end of the month.

So, even though it’s really not the time, and even though my mind is busy with a million other things, I need to find a solution. I think a part time job with a decent salary is what I need. Say I can spend every morning of the week doing some boring admin thing, or nausea-inducing HR stuff. That way I can still teach afternoons. Or, of course, I could be very lucky and find a full time job with a fixed contract and a decent salary in training.

I’ve been looking for 2-3 months now. So far with no results. Today, I put my cv on one of those jobsites. See of that is going to do anything. And of course, dear readers, all leads or ideas from your side are more than welcome as well!

All for nothing

And there it is: the verdict.
Months and months of the heaviest chemo-therapy have resulted in no results at all.
Nothing has changed: what was there before, is still there.
As usual, I'm angry (very) and sad. And at a complete loss for words.
All I want to do, is to escape to a warm, sunny place, and pretend (at least for a few days), that everything is okay. That mom will be okay.

Sunny Sunday

Finally: sun! After days and days of the greyest weather you can imagine, and after endless rainstorms. Today the sky finally showed its true colours again. Temperatures rose ‘till a very nice 14°C, and it was just the perfect weather for a nice walk. Without umbrella, and without thermic underwear.


My parents and I went to the forest, and I truly felt re-born after a bit of very much needed sunlight and fresh air. Out of the city, into nature. The waffles and pancakes afterwards only made it even more perfect :-) .

Driving home, I saw the most beautiful sunset.

All day long I had but one regret : why the hell didn’t I bring my camera!?!

Sharing

P made me the happiest girl in the world today. In between meetings, on top of his crazy schedule, he managed to make some very special time for me. I can't put into words how much it meant to me that he was there.

Good resolutions

Well, so far I’ve been a very good girl.

- I already went to the gym twice in the new year
- This morning I joined P to the swimming pool and did 60 laps
- 90% of all my closets are cleaned out, sorted out, and put back in order
- I’m still trying to spend less time on Facebook
- I'm limiting the time I spend on lesson preparations (and stick to it)
- I’ve already lost all my holiday-pounds

If only I could keep up it all up this time!

Time to wrap up

Epiphany is over, so once again it’s time to put all the Christmas decoration back into its boxes. And every year while doing this, I have the same question : “Hmm, how will life have changed when I take these things out again?”.
Anyway, let’s get this annoying task over and done with. Bye-bye Christmas tree! See you next year!

I'm happy

Even if I' m hurt really badly.
Even if things are not going as I had wished and dreamed.
Even if people are letting me down.

I'm happy.

Because I have some amazing friends. Who fail to come to my birthday party when it snows, granted ;-) , but who have been life-savers the past days.
Because I have a family, which is also there for me.

And last but not least : because I have every right to be happy.
No matter how hard some people try to bring me down.

Fuck it.
I'm happy.
Too bad for those who are not.

A box of chocolates

Remember the famous quote: “life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get” ?


I had been craving one certain chocolate for a very long time, and now that I finally picked it out, people are not so happy about it. And guess what? That makes the little chocolate very hard to digest, let alone enjoy.