Things to be grateful for

About a month ago I made this list of “things to be grateful for”.
Looking at that list today, I can only laugh at myself. In a cynical way.
Let’s go through the list again.

- Friends who are concerned about me.
Yes, they are. But I tend to shut myself off when I’m in pain. So what’s the use?
- Healthy parents, who are always there for me.
One week after writing this, we found out my mom had to be operated again.
- P who loves me, protects me, and gives me security.
And who shows as much interest into our whole wedding planning as I did in algebra.
- A cute little hamster to hug whenever I feel a bit down.
Yes, sure. Like half an hour ago – and then I accidentally drop her, get all the blame for it, feel guilty as hell, and feel even worse.
- A nice, big apartment.
True. How much longer I’ll be able to pay my share of the rent without burning my savings account completely is another issue
- A job I really love
And that is not paying the bills.
- A doctor who listens to me
And happens to be on holiday, and then I’m on holiday, and does it help anyway?
- A marriage to look forward to
If I manage to find the courage to keep on planning it.
- A closet full of nice clothes.
Way too many clothes, that is. Shopaholic, anyone?
- A subscription to a gym to have a good workout
A subscription that is giving me nightmares, as the gym-people keep messing up my account.
- Meditation exercises that help me relax and unwind
OK, that one still stands. (for now)
- A nice park in the neighbourhood, giving me the green space I need.
And which also happens to be invaded by moms + babies all the time. Sensitive spot.

Did you notice I’m in a bit of a bad mood?
Make that bad mood, angry, sad and disappointed – all at the same time.