Tuesday, March 15, 2011

What to do?

Right. My head's been in turmoil ever since receiving that job offer now almost two weeks ago - and I'm not an inch closer to making up my mind. I've stressed, I've cried, I've tried to forget about it. In vain.
So maybe, writing will help. Maybe just to unwind a bit.

Here's the situation : I applied for a job as a language coordinator in a Brussels' hospital.
The interview went great, the assessment was an unseen success, up until the point where I told them I was pregnant. A list of practical objections followed, last but not least: pregnant nurses have to go on maternity leave as soon as they know they're pregnant - so maybe it wasn't completely "safe" for me to work in that environment either.

I put the job out of my head. A few weeks later, I got a call from the HR director from the hospital for another interview. I thought "They're just wanting to be polite, or they're scared from a discrimination lawsuit", so I went to the second interview with the lowest of expectations. Only to find out that I was the only candidate left, and to be offered the foresaid job.
The HR manager very briefly mentioned, in between two other sentences, that he still had to check with the medical inspector whether it was okay for me to do the job, but nothing more was said about this.

Right now, I really don't know what to do or think.
They told me honestly that the other candidates were a bit dissapointing - so basically, that left them with me or nobody. I know that they're pretty desperate - the function has been open for the last five months.

So here's my little list of worries:
- why are the former objections suddenly not an issue anymore?
- is it safe for me to work in that environment or not? Am I putting tiny N at risk?
- is it really a good idea to start working more, at a moment when my energy-levels are at an all-time low?
- I need safety, security, stability...now even more than ever. Do I want to throw myself into the unknown at this point?
- what could I possibly achieve in less than five months?
- How can I proof what I'm worth when I'm feeling exhausted, and my head is basically only occupied with what's going on in my belly?
- how will I manage two different jobs (in very different parts of town), and about 3 medical exams a month,  from a practical point of view?
- Why the hell are they paying me according to my bachelor's degree, and not my two masters?
- I would have to give up teaching some of the groups and / or individual students whom I like very much
- and on the purely emotional side : I'm just so scared about this, and feeling so very very very insecure....

On the other side:
- the job seems appealing - otherwise I wouldn't have applied
- I simply need the money; that's - to be honest - the main reason why I would accept
- Most of my other classes end in june; leaving me basically unemployed as of month 7/8 of my pregnancy.
- So it gives me some jobsecurity for the next five months, and some certainty about the maternity allowance I would get.
- if it's something I like, I have the option to go back after my maternity leave - or not.

There, I've written it all down. And I'm not one step closer to feeling any better about all of this.

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