Yes, it’s yet another night I’m spending on my own here in Brussels, because if it isn’t a late night meeting, a recruiting event, a late plane back, or a presentation for the client that has to be finished, it’s a stag party.
So I’ve decided to spoil myself - big time.
After work, I went to that gorgeous (but too expensive) boutique around the corner, and let myself go wild. With my bag full of clothes (and credit card maxed out), I went to the local deli for wine (the best) and take-out Italian. And I’ve rented a movie (“Michael Clayton”). There, the ultimate girl-night!
So please excuse me now - the microwave is beeping and George Clooney is waiting !
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The Barbizon Blues
What’s going on? Is it the ending of Daylight Saving Time? Is it the trees and their autumn colours? Is it the reinstalled routine of going back to work? Is it all the other emotions, that have finally settled a bit, and left room for others? Or is it just plain nostalgia?
Whatever the reason(s) : I’m missing Fonty, Barbizon, INSEAD, the forest, the huge Carrefour, the local bakery, the train to Paris, the library, the cafeteria, Pizza Pazza, our little apartment...well, simply all of it! Googling Fontainebleau while sitting at my desk at work doesn’t exactly help. Neither does looking at all the pictures taken last year. Or leafing through my dairy, and realizing that, exactly one year ago, I was celebrating Halloween in Disneyland Paris.
When I come home, and step out of my car, I smell the city...and I can only sigh, and long for the smell of the forest after it rained, mixed with the smoky smell of wood fires.
It got so bad over the last few days, that I even went to the INSEAD website, and had a look at their current job offers.
I’m not idealizing my 6 months in France – I still feel bitter about certain things, and I still vividly remember times I felt so useless and lonely, I would’ve jumped on the first train back to Brussels. But right now, I would give anything to be
- hanging around in the bar with a few other partners, waiting for our men, and all go out for dinner afterwards (obviously drinking too much wine)
- walking around in that huge supermarket, taking 30 minutes only to pick out a few cheeses for yet another French Evening.
- teaching English to M, and trying to convince her once more that she’s doing great
- drinking a coffee in the Starbucks on the Boulevard de l’Opéra
- dancing on a stage at 3.00 AM in the morning
Hmm, instead, I’m still sitting at my desk, and getting not any work done....
Whatever the reason(s) : I’m missing Fonty, Barbizon, INSEAD, the forest, the huge Carrefour, the local bakery, the train to Paris, the library, the cafeteria, Pizza Pazza, our little apartment...well, simply all of it! Googling Fontainebleau while sitting at my desk at work doesn’t exactly help. Neither does looking at all the pictures taken last year. Or leafing through my dairy, and realizing that, exactly one year ago, I was celebrating Halloween in Disneyland Paris.
When I come home, and step out of my car, I smell the city...and I can only sigh, and long for the smell of the forest after it rained, mixed with the smoky smell of wood fires.
It got so bad over the last few days, that I even went to the INSEAD website, and had a look at their current job offers.
I’m not idealizing my 6 months in France – I still feel bitter about certain things, and I still vividly remember times I felt so useless and lonely, I would’ve jumped on the first train back to Brussels. But right now, I would give anything to be
- hanging around in the bar with a few other partners, waiting for our men, and all go out for dinner afterwards (obviously drinking too much wine)
- walking around in that huge supermarket, taking 30 minutes only to pick out a few cheeses for yet another French Evening.
- teaching English to M, and trying to convince her once more that she’s doing great
- drinking a coffee in the Starbucks on the Boulevard de l’Opéra
- dancing on a stage at 3.00 AM in the morning
Hmm, instead, I’m still sitting at my desk, and getting not any work done....
Thursday, October 23, 2008
To Ylva
Ylva wrote a comment on my latest post. She's a partner on her way to Fontainebleau, just like I was one year ago. And of course, after reading my blog, she's getting second thoughts. Ylva, I can't really give you my email here, as this is still an "anonymous" blog (well, sort of anyway). So please consider this posting as my answer.
Following your partner or not is a tough decision to make...and it took me several months to make up my mind. We were not married, had no children, had never lived together...and finally, I decided to go because I thought this would be the quality-time for our relationship we had been needing for a very long time. I know now this was a very wrong reason to go. I went to be with him, but INSEAD took up 99% of his time: a lot of classes, a lot of groupwork, a lot of night-time studying,...
I was fortunate that, very quickly, I got to know some other partners, who became wonderful friends. Thanks to them, I have a lot of very nice memories of my time in France, and I can look back smiling.
Do I regret I went to France? No, not one minute.
Would I do it again? No, definitely not.
Please realize that this is just my story. We each have our own reasons to go or not go, we each have our hopes, dreams, experiences, and expectations. And last but not least: we each have, of course, also different boyfriends/husbands.
So if you want to have some real quality time for just yourself (read all the books you want, finally follow that cooking course, learn how to speak French, visit Paris every week, and make friends from all over the world) : I would say "Go!"
If you choose to be stupidly naive like me, just hoping for days filled with romance in the French countryside and a marriage proposal on the Eiffel tower : don't go.
Following your partner or not is a tough decision to make...and it took me several months to make up my mind. We were not married, had no children, had never lived together...and finally, I decided to go because I thought this would be the quality-time for our relationship we had been needing for a very long time. I know now this was a very wrong reason to go. I went to be with him, but INSEAD took up 99% of his time: a lot of classes, a lot of groupwork, a lot of night-time studying,...
I was fortunate that, very quickly, I got to know some other partners, who became wonderful friends. Thanks to them, I have a lot of very nice memories of my time in France, and I can look back smiling.
Do I regret I went to France? No, not one minute.
Would I do it again? No, definitely not.
Please realize that this is just my story. We each have our own reasons to go or not go, we each have our hopes, dreams, experiences, and expectations. And last but not least: we each have, of course, also different boyfriends/husbands.
So if you want to have some real quality time for just yourself (read all the books you want, finally follow that cooking course, learn how to speak French, visit Paris every week, and make friends from all over the world) : I would say "Go!"
If you choose to be stupidly naive like me, just hoping for days filled with romance in the French countryside and a marriage proposal on the Eiffel tower : don't go.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Two girls
I’m just back from a dinner in good company, with slightly too much wine. In other words : the perfect writing mode :-) (minus the spelling mistakes)
The wine was Italian, can’t remember the year nor the name, but it was good.
The company was my best friend in high school. We saw eachother one year ago, after a « pause » of more than ten years, right before I was heading to France. And now that I’m back, it was time to, once again, pick up where we had left. We talked non-stop for more than two hours, about our deepest feelings, about our dreams, about random stuff, as if we were still seeing eachother every day at school. It was great to realize that, no matter what, we still connected – just as we did when we were sixteen, putting on too much make-up and getting ready for our first party.
I can’t say we’ve changed either. For some reason, we’re the only two of our « band » left unmarried and without any kids. Like years ago, when we were the only two who had a love life that could now be perfect for any reality-show. We still have fits of laughter drawing stares from the other people in the restaurant, and we still both think that we were stupid to go for the cool guys in high school, instead of for the smart guys (who, allas, all had too many pimples back then). We had our share of break-ups, we had our smacks in the face (she lost her dad, my mom has cancer), and we still think that getting overweight is simply not done (even if this means you have to starve yourself from time to time). And…our biological clock has started ticking harder than ever.
In other words : I had a great time tonight, laughing ‘bout old memories, sharing present-day dreams, and spending time with someone who, even though I rarely see her, was and still is, a soulmate.
The wine was Italian, can’t remember the year nor the name, but it was good.
The company was my best friend in high school. We saw eachother one year ago, after a « pause » of more than ten years, right before I was heading to France. And now that I’m back, it was time to, once again, pick up where we had left. We talked non-stop for more than two hours, about our deepest feelings, about our dreams, about random stuff, as if we were still seeing eachother every day at school. It was great to realize that, no matter what, we still connected – just as we did when we were sixteen, putting on too much make-up and getting ready for our first party.
I can’t say we’ve changed either. For some reason, we’re the only two of our « band » left unmarried and without any kids. Like years ago, when we were the only two who had a love life that could now be perfect for any reality-show. We still have fits of laughter drawing stares from the other people in the restaurant, and we still both think that we were stupid to go for the cool guys in high school, instead of for the smart guys (who, allas, all had too many pimples back then). We had our share of break-ups, we had our smacks in the face (she lost her dad, my mom has cancer), and we still think that getting overweight is simply not done (even if this means you have to starve yourself from time to time). And…our biological clock has started ticking harder than ever.
In other words : I had a great time tonight, laughing ‘bout old memories, sharing present-day dreams, and spending time with someone who, even though I rarely see her, was and still is, a soulmate.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
One of those days
- waking up at an ungodly hour of the morning, ‘cause P had to catch a plane to Prague
- missing the high way exit to the office, and because of that, being stuck in morning traffic for 30 more minutes
- Having IT problems for the first two hours of the morning, not being able to do all the planned work.
- Being called in the director’s office for a stupid mistake I made yesterday, because my head was already in hospital, with my mom (who's more sick than ever because of the second chemo that started)
- Realizing it was my collegue who informed the director of the mistake behind my back
- Rain pouring down non-stop
Thank God, I'm home
(without causing any car accidents)
- missing the high way exit to the office, and because of that, being stuck in morning traffic for 30 more minutes
- Having IT problems for the first two hours of the morning, not being able to do all the planned work.
- Being called in the director’s office for a stupid mistake I made yesterday, because my head was already in hospital, with my mom (who's more sick than ever because of the second chemo that started)
- Realizing it was my collegue who informed the director of the mistake behind my back
- Rain pouring down non-stop
Thank God, I'm home
(without causing any car accidents)
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The neighbours & the noise
I knew it the minute I saw them: they’re going to be trouble. Of course, P thought I was overreacting. But my sixth sense kicked in. My people-antenna picked up bad vibes. And needless to say – I was right.
He works for some fancy French champagne house. She does something in fashion. They’re twenty-something, and think that, beside the apartment, they own the world. I’ve rarely seen so much arrogance and self confidence packed into two people.
When they held their first Big Noisy Party (without giving us any notice), I thought "ok , this is just their house warming. No problem." In the mean time, and one month later, we had several Big Noisy Parties – with loud music and front door slamming until the early hours of the morning. Between the Big Noisy Parties, she walks constantly around – on the wooden floors and wooden stairs – with her high heels. And once again, the poor front door gets slammed hard enough to cause small local earthquakes.
Until yesterday, I felt quite lonely with my complains. But then the lady from next door asked me if I too, was having trouble with the noise. Relief !! It wasn’t just me being over-sensitive. It wasn’t just me, overreacting ! There really was/is a problem !
To give an extra touch to the whole situation, the little arrogant bitch from downstairs is blaming US for the noise when being addressed by the next door-lady. Like a little Paris Hilton she goes : "nonono, it wasn’t me ; I was away to China" or "no, pas possible, we’re never here in the weekends – we travel". (so I suppose there must be Gremlins living in the house, responsible for the parties, the cigarette smoke in the hall way, the garbage bags in front of our garage, and the front door-slamming).
I wrote an email to our landlord – but didn’t send it, as P thought it was "too aggressive". That’s right, I’m out of patience. And instead of sending an email, I would much rather go down right now, and start a scene that could come right out of Kill Bill, vol 1 or 2. Now that’s aggressive.
He works for some fancy French champagne house. She does something in fashion. They’re twenty-something, and think that, beside the apartment, they own the world. I’ve rarely seen so much arrogance and self confidence packed into two people.
When they held their first Big Noisy Party (without giving us any notice), I thought "ok , this is just their house warming. No problem." In the mean time, and one month later, we had several Big Noisy Parties – with loud music and front door slamming until the early hours of the morning. Between the Big Noisy Parties, she walks constantly around – on the wooden floors and wooden stairs – with her high heels. And once again, the poor front door gets slammed hard enough to cause small local earthquakes.
Until yesterday, I felt quite lonely with my complains. But then the lady from next door asked me if I too, was having trouble with the noise. Relief !! It wasn’t just me being over-sensitive. It wasn’t just me, overreacting ! There really was/is a problem !
To give an extra touch to the whole situation, the little arrogant bitch from downstairs is blaming US for the noise when being addressed by the next door-lady. Like a little Paris Hilton she goes : "nonono, it wasn’t me ; I was away to China" or "no, pas possible, we’re never here in the weekends – we travel". (so I suppose there must be Gremlins living in the house, responsible for the parties, the cigarette smoke in the hall way, the garbage bags in front of our garage, and the front door-slamming).
I wrote an email to our landlord – but didn’t send it, as P thought it was "too aggressive". That’s right, I’m out of patience. And instead of sending an email, I would much rather go down right now, and start a scene that could come right out of Kill Bill, vol 1 or 2. Now that’s aggressive.
Baby-boom
You go away 7 months, you come back…and all of a sudden everybody is
a) pregnant
b) already promoted to the mom-status
This is what is happening all around me. I’m being surrounded by big bellies in the office, I’m receiving one birth announcement after the other (at home and at work), and honestly : I just can’t take it anymore. Manpower planning is getting more and more difficult because, yes, you’ve guessed it, they’re all pregnant (and don’t underestimate this in a company of 600 people where 90% is female).
And somehow (and this is really the cherry on top of the pie) : everybody thought I would come back pregnant from France. Hah ! Talk about a bad joke. So every time I have to congratulate yet another one, I’m getting this questioning look and little smile, and the inevitable : "aaand…what about you ??" To which I respond by rubbing over my flat belly and pointing out my perfect waistline, going "nothing in here !" (better than bursting into tears every time, isn’t it ?) .
I just wonder how much longer I can keep walking around with a ticking time-bomb inside my before-said flat belly, and how much longer this is going to be ignored. On the other hand : if I’ll explode any time soon, I’ll be, in my very own way, also part of the baby-BOOM !
a) pregnant
b) already promoted to the mom-status
This is what is happening all around me. I’m being surrounded by big bellies in the office, I’m receiving one birth announcement after the other (at home and at work), and honestly : I just can’t take it anymore. Manpower planning is getting more and more difficult because, yes, you’ve guessed it, they’re all pregnant (and don’t underestimate this in a company of 600 people where 90% is female).
And somehow (and this is really the cherry on top of the pie) : everybody thought I would come back pregnant from France. Hah ! Talk about a bad joke. So every time I have to congratulate yet another one, I’m getting this questioning look and little smile, and the inevitable : "aaand…what about you ??" To which I respond by rubbing over my flat belly and pointing out my perfect waistline, going "nothing in here !" (better than bursting into tears every time, isn’t it ?) .
I just wonder how much longer I can keep walking around with a ticking time-bomb inside my before-said flat belly, and how much longer this is going to be ignored. On the other hand : if I’ll explode any time soon, I’ll be, in my very own way, also part of the baby-BOOM !
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