Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Rewind, fast forward and pause

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how great it would be if you could rewind, fast forward or pause your life. For instance : I would really want to hit the pause button once in a while, just to take a break (as sound sleep is not one of the options anymore since, let’s say, the past 6 months). The rewind option is also a tempting one. I think I would rewind all the way back to my high school days, change a few stupid mistakes I’ve made in my late teens and early twenties, and then fast forward again to today (or tomorrow). Maybe I would use rewind a lot, as I feel that I’ve taken the wrong turn more than once in my life (please save me the "you-learn-from-every-mistake" blah blah). I wouldn’t use the fast-forward to jump into the future I guess. I’ve learned my lesson on that one. All 2007 I’ve longed for 2008, only to realise that that one was even worse.
Hm, maybe all this is just a result of a midlife-crisis (which would mean I’m not getting any older than 64), or just the general feeling of being already over-30 and not having achieved anything significant in my life yet. No smashing career, no real estate, no family, nothing really. People always say that when you turn 30, it’s decision time (especially for women). Around that time, you should have reached some career goal, the biological clock is ticking away, etc. Yeah well, that was two years ago…and no life altering scenarios have happened. Time and again I’ve put the career "on hold" because I thought that it was almost "start-family-time". But I’ve been thinking that for the last four years now – here as well, I would like to push the rewind-button. Time to let the dreams go, and face reality. I should have stopped dreaming ages ago.
Now, let’s just hit the imaginary pause-button, and hope that at least I can get some sleep.

1 comment:

stallie said...

Never give up!!! You are really a gem amongst the stars out there. Echt ik weet wat je voelt. Het zou allemaal anders moeten gaan en rondom jou zijn allemaal mensen voor wie dat de puzzelstukjes blijken te kloppen. Jouw puzzel is veel complexer maar het eindresultaat zal zeker en vast de moeite waard zijn. En dat je dagen hebt dat het even niet meezit is best normaal. Go with the flow en je zal zeker en vast je paradijs vinden. Ik geloof alvast in jou. Dikke knuffel,