Thursday, June 11, 2009

Another visit to Planet Hospital

Yesterday my mom spent 40 minutes in a claustrophobic scanner to see if she needs further chemo or surgery. Needless to say, this has been causing us stress for weeks. Normally we would have the results today. Good or bad, we just want to know. Only, small problem: this morning the doctor announced that “Oops”, they took the wrong scan yesterday. So we’re not one step further – and believe me, every hour of this kind of stress lasts an eternity.
The doctor himself, although not in the wrong, was visibly embarrassed – and with some pushing and negotiating, the right scan is now scheduled for tomorrow morning.

I should face the fact that there is the possibility that it’s going to be “bad news”. But I just don’t know how. I’m so scared to feel again the way I felt last year. Already I feel anger boiling up – it can’t be bad, not now. Please, for once, let everything the way it is in my life. Don’t go turning it upside down again. Just don’t. (I don’t even know to whom I’m saying this. God? The universe?)

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