Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The end of an Episode

Hi there faithful reader. I think this is the end of Episode 3.
Episode 3 was all about changing my life, about pursuing dreams and not losing hope. I can now safely say that it’s over. My life has been stripped to the bare essentials: the here and now. And even then there are no certainties left. I don’t want to think about yesterday (too painful and useless anyway), I don’t want to keep on dreaming about “tomorrow” (idle hopes time and again).

Almost three years ago, this blog was “Between Brussels and Barbizon”. Then came “ Trying to keep her head up, and her feet on the ground”. And finally “Episode 3”. I always thought Episode 3 would end if I finally saw some dreams fulfilled – now it ends because I’m officially giving up on them. So maybe one day it will happen, maybe not. I think it’s time to realize that some things are just out of my hands. The only thing left to do now, is to make sure that I cherish all the self-confidence I have left. Look in the mirror at my almost 34 year old self, and think “it’s ok – you did everything you could do”. I loved, cried, fell down, and got up again. I have no intention to fall again, even if I’m walking on a very thin line right now.

So what comes after Episode 3? To be honest: I have no clue. Everything’s possible. Maybe you’ll find me travelling on my own through the North- American national parks in a few months’ time. Maybe I’m still full of this amazing calmness, or maybe I’ll have exploded – and you can gather little pieces of N all over the western hemisphere.
Whatever happens: some things have already changed – even if not visible – and will never ever be the same again.

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