Saturday, May 3, 2008

Daisies by the lake

It’s a sunny Saturday afternoon, and I’m sitting in one of my favorite spots : the lake side in the park 5 min. from my doorstep in Brussels. (I’m scribbling this down in my notebook – will post it later on the blog).
For the first time in days, I manage to feel a bit at ease. The anxiety is still there, but instead of attacking me, it’s making me numb. They’ve found « bad cells » while examining my mom in hospital. There, I’ve written it down – it’s real now. We’ll know more on Tuesday, after more tests.
How I feel ? Like this : a little boat, drifting in a huge ocean, without a harbor in sight, without a safe haven to go to, without any anchor. No job to go to, no money to earn, no securities, no place I can call home for the coming years, no mom to take care of it all. And P at INSEAD .
I’m staying in Brussels for the coming two weeks. I’ve rented a car with my saving money . It may sound stupid, but having a car again gives me the impression that, at least, I have a bit of a life of my own again. I don’t know how that life will look like after Tuesday. For now, there are daisies and green grass around me, someone playing the guitar in the distance, the bubbling sound of the lake fountain, and the warmth of the sun on my face. This moment is ok. The first one in four days and three nights.

1 comment:

Court said...

Hope that everything works out okay with your mom, N. Glad that you found a sense of peace by in living in the moment.

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