Friday, February 20, 2009


I came back home from the hairdresser in high spirits. The spirits were dwindling fast however once I opened my mailbox. It’s baby-overload once again. One friend is pregnant – for the second time, and another friend just gave birth to a beautiful little boy. And while I’m so happy for them, restraining myself from running to the nearest baby-clothing shop, I’m fighting back tears as well. So what else to do but writing – hoping it will take the edge of the turmoil inside.
I’ve found myself longing for a baby for almost five years now – unable to stop the raging hormones, hearing non-stop the by now deafening “tic-tac” of the biological clock. The despair has come to such limits that I do things like calling horoscope lines, asking to the clairvoyant lady if I’ll ever have a baby, and when (I can’t belief I’m writing these embarrassing facts about myself on a public blog). Anyway,you know what she said? That I needed some more patience, that I would easily have to wait one more year. But in the end, my dream would come true. Yeah, right. Saying to someone who has been waiting for five years to wait one more year…It’s just a bit too cruel, don’t you think?
So here I am, all dressed up, shiny hair, ready to go out for sushi with P and some friends, while all I want to do is hide under the duvet and cry my eyes out.


stallie said...

Ik weet dat dit voor jou echt niet simpel is. Weet dat ik in jou een heel goede moeder zie. En ik kijk er enorm uit om mij jou zo van die typische dingen te kunnen doen die mama's onder mekaar doen. maar weet dat ik ook nog steeds graag minder baby- en kinderachtige dingen doe met jou. Ik duim echt wel voor jou!! Wat gaan wij happy zijn als uiteindelijk dat hoofdstuk gaat beginnen waar we nu naar verlangen!

The Duchess said...

Hi again - it's the Duchess. I just had to tell you I had more time now that it's the weekend to read more of your posts (only got to read Secret Single Behavior previously) and I love your voice, your honesty and your great humor. I laugh out loud reading and then read posts like this one and I feel to respectful of you and your courage to say what it is you really want and how you're feeling.

The baby thing is tough. I know I'd like a few of the damn things myself and yet this seems to be a path that eludes me too. Except I left my eight year relationship last year and am now more single then ever - EEK! I even went and saw an Indian Palmist in December because I was so bugged about the no boyfriend and kids thing. I got a similar response to your horoscope hotline. It will happen, in fact I was told two (but I want three) but not for a while. No definate date there, but just not for a while. So I may not know exactly how you feel but certainly have respect for you and your feelings on the matter.

Anyway, just wanted to say I love your blog - keep it up! Sounds like Brussels needs you :)